New Year, New You? Tips on Setting a Better New Year’s Resolution
Y’all, it’s happening — 2024 is nearly here. I’m not usually one to go hard on New Year’s resolutions (mostly because I like setting and evaluating goals year-round), but I can’t deny that big external changes like ringing in a brand new year can help give a goal an extra oomph. The holidays wind down, we start thinking of the proverbial New You that the New Year will bring, and the allure of ambitious resolutions becomes hard to resist.
You may already know that SMART goals are often recommended. These are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound. And yes, these are the goals that are most successful and that we feel best about. Saying “I want to prioritize myself in the new year” is less effective than saying “I want to spend an hour working on a hobby simply for my own enjoyment three evenings per week throughout all of 2024.” While the first goal feels nice, the second one is much more likely to actually happen.
But here’s the thing — I really do think you already know that. I think that the discrepancy between New Year’s resolutions set and New Year’s resolutions achieved doesn’t actually have all that much to do with creating unspecific goals or not being able to summon the organization or motivation to work on them.
As one goal-oriented over-achiever writing to another, I actually have my own totally different goals for your resolutions this year. Rather than making your goal-setting bigger/better/faster/stronger, I want you to be more value-driven, more flexible, and more self-compassionate in your pursuit of your best self. Here’s what I mean:
Goals in Pursuit of Your Best Self
Value-Driven Goals: Grow Where You Actually Want To
First, I want you to really get into your why. It’s common to set goals based on societal expectations or external pressures. And let’s be honest, the world loves telling women what we should want/do/be at any and every time of our lives. Following this blueprint may feel rewarding at some points, but without taking time to reflect on whether you’re genuinely working toward a life defined by your own values, you’ll be left feeling unfulfilled.
And here’s the trick — you gotta dig deep into self-trust for this one because you’re the only expert in your values. Watch out for goals that involve the word “should” as they’re usually a red flag here. Instead, lean into goals that get you closer to a future version of yourself you genuinely can’t wait to meet.
Goal Flexibility: Adapting to Reality
Now that you’ve got your goal… change it. Ok not really, we’re not leaning into chaos for the sake of it. But I want you to at least be willing to consider a goal change if you need to. Life is inherently unpredictable, and unforeseen challenges may arise. Instead of rigidly adhering to your (probably amazing) predetermined plan, consider your goals more like a roadmap to that future self I mentioned — a detour is needed every once in a while to get where you want to go.
This can be particularly difficult if you’ve let others know about your goals. Make sure your friends know your shift isn’t about not meeting a goal but about being appropriately flexible (this isn’t the time for your team to cheerlead you into sticking to something that doesn’t fit anymore). Highlight your resilience and adaptability, or maybe see this as a time to build those exact muscles if they feel a bit underused at the moment.
Let Yourself Down: When to Give Up Goals
Y’all, I love a pivot. When people tell me stories of giving up a big goal — and I’m talking big, like quitting law school kind of big — because they realized the goal wasn’t right for them, I’m always in awe. A pivot like that takes enormous self-knowledge and self-compassion, but also the self-confidence to stand up to those in their lives who might say they just gave up.
We all know that working to reach a truly valuable goal will come with difficulty, hard choices, and even moments of pain. And sometimes it’s entirely worth it. We’ve all been at the finish line of a particularly demanding race, super sore and out of breath but SO proud and thrilled that we made it. (I mean a metaphorical race, for myself, but if you’re actually running then kudos to you!)
The challenge comes in when having to determine whether a goal is simply very difficult or is honestly not aligned with your current priorities or even simply isn’t feasible anymore. That’s when it becomes crucial to permit yourself to let go of goals — when they no longer serve your best interests. Recognize that setting aside a goal isn’t about failure or defeat; it's a strategic decision to redirect your energy toward more meaningful pursuits.
I know you can meet all the goals, but trusting yourself enough to determine whether you should is an entirely different story.
Setting Goals Can Be Empowering, Just Make Sure They’re The Right Goals For You
Remember that while setting goals can be empowering, listening to yourself well enough to make sure they’re the right goals at the right time is where you will truly level up in the new year. The secret is that self-compassion will not hinder your ability to be the incredible goal-oriented over-achieving maven you are — in fact, breaking those chains of rigidity and other people’s expectations is going to make you even more successful. So give yourself grace! And cheers to your amazing new year.
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As we approach 2024, let's approach our resolutions differently, especially when it comes to self-improvement. Consider seeking guidance in Therapy for Women with Rebecca AE Smith, Ph.D., who can help you craft goals aligned with your values and aspirations rather than external pressures. Embrace the flexibility of your journey, knowing that life's unexpected turns can be navigated with resilience and support. Remember, Therapy for Women offers a space to gracefully pivot from goals that no longer serve you, empowering you to prioritize self-compassion and redirect your energy toward what truly matters in the new year. Follow these three simple steps to get started:
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