It’s January! …and You’re Already Exhausted: Tips From a New Orleans Therapist on Prioritizing Rest
You know that feeling when something kind of big happens and then after it you feel… exactly the same? It kind of feels like it’s everywhere this time of year. I feel like December ends and our brains go, “It’s January! It’s a brand new year! Fresh beginnings! Endless opportunities! This is the year I will…” And then about a week in we wonder why we don’t feel all that fresh and instead feel honestly just as exhausted as we did over the holidays.
I have a theory about this particular brand of exhaustion. I think there’s a mind trick most of us are playing on ourselves. It sounds something like, “I’ll feel better after…” Like “I’ll feel better after I get everything checked off my to-do list at work,” or “I’ll feel better once I get all of this (*motions to entire house*) cleaned up,” or even more vague, like “I just know I’ll feel better if I can be productive and get some things accomplished.” We get caught up in the whirlwind of our responsibilities, and because we are the movers, the shakers, the get-things-done-ers, we kind of get seduced into the idea that (1) that natural instinct to do do do is our superpower, so we should lean into it, and sometimes that (2) we need to earn rest.
And here’s the thing — I know this, dear reader because I’ve totally been there. I reside there much of the time, in fact. I’m not great at resting, and even if I’m doing something leisurely, I’ve really had to fight the impulse to make even my downtime activities into productive projects. But after fighting that exact fight, there are a few key takeaways I’d like to share in case you, too, friend, are freaking exhausted.
The Power of No
If you’ve read this far and are still nodding along with me, I’m pretty sure you are accustomed to taking on the world with a resounding "yes" to every opportunity, request, and responsibility that comes your way. If that’s the case, you need to increase the frequency of the word “NO” in your vocabulary. Are you the best woman for the job? Indisputably. Can you handle it? Of course you can, you’re a damn rockstar. But just because you can doesn’t mean you should.
This advice becomes more effective when you figure out exactly why “no” isn’t happening enough for you. For some, it’s the idea of letting others down that makes this idea really difficult. Others of you might realize you’re not saying “yes” to please the asker, you’re doing it to please yourself — it’s the thrill and the burden of being the one who gets things done, you know?
Whatever your reason is, remember that an ill-suited “yes” is also a “no” to something else, and for many, it becomes a “no” to something that would benefit your well-being. Take your values and priorities into account to add more “no” to your life.
Build Internal Boundaries
While saying “no” is often a way to build boundaries with other people, I also want you to examine your internal boundaries. How often do you not even have a chance to say “no” because the person demanding more of your time and your energy is actually yourself?
Difficulty with internal boundaries can look like neglecting your own wellness, breaking promises to yourself, or prioritizing the needs of others when you actually don’t have the internal resources to do so. The key here is to hold firm to your own boundaries by leaning into self-compassion. This could look something like, “I really want to finish this project but I’m totally at my limit. I have to put this down and make a conscious choice to take care of myself. I’ll go home now and get it done on Monday.”
This ends up having fantastic ripple effects throughout your life as well. If you feel under-appreciated by others, I want you to take stock of whether you’re constantly stepping on your own boundaries. Your time and energy are precious resources, and until you view them as such — and act accordingly with consistency — others won’t be able to either.
Pick a Lane
Do you ever hear yourself say, “I’m so glad it’s the weekend. I’m going to check so many things off my to-do list and get so much rest.” And once Monday rolls around you feel both totally unproductive and just as tired as you did at 5 pm on Friday? Friends, this is NOT balance. This is where you need to pick a lane, and if you’re reading this article, the lane I want you to pick a little more often is rest.
There are at least three problems happening in the scenario above. First, when we don’t give ourselves enough dedicated time to rest, it often doesn’t end up just magically happening in the course of our busy lives. Second, we’re not very productive when we’re exhausted. And last, when we try to split our priorities (productivity AND rest in a short amount of time) we end up accomplishing each goal only halfway. For people who value being effective, efficient high-achievers, that last point leaves us feeling both physically exhausted and emotionally drained as the “failure” to be productive makes us question our own sense of self.
So here’s the thing — you can do anything, but you can't do everything, and that's perfectly okay. You need rest. We all do. The fact that you need rest doesn’t mean you’re not totally on top of your game. Just like a top athlete, I want you to prioritize resting your body and your mind so you can stay there.
The Answer is Rest
The simple answer to beating that exhaustion is, annoyingly, allowing yourself to rest. It’s obnoxious, I know, but it’s a necessity and not a luxury. I too wish there were some way to MacGyver a productive nap, but I think it might be impossible. I do, however, hope that prioritizing rest will get easier as you say no more often and demand respect for your boundaries — even from yourself.
Want to Start Therapy For Women in New Orleans, LA For Extra Support?
Feeling the exhaustion even after the excitement of a new year? You're not alone. By working with Rebecca AE Smith Ph.D. in therapy for women, you can begin to explore a different path towards rejuvenation. Take a step toward reclaiming your energy by learning to set boundaries, say 'no' when needed, and embrace rest as a necessity rather than a luxury—empower yourself with Therapy for Women to make this year about self-compassion and renewal. Follow these three simple steps to get started:
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