The Perfectionist’s Guide to Asking for Help: Tips From a Therapist for Women on Overcoming Perfectionism
So you’ve done it — you’re looking for a new therapist (or maybe your first therapist)! You’re perusing websites, you’re reading our little blogs, clicking on our videos, and trying to imagine yourself sitting in a session with one of us. “She looks like someone I could chat with,” you think. Maybe you picture working with this new person, having brainstorming sessions about your future, bragging conversations about your sweet kiddos, gossipy talks about your wild friend, and aspirational discussions about your career.
Maybe even sessions focused on how you can help other people in your life who aren’t going to therapy for themselves. If you’re like most of my patients, though, you’re also trying to imagine opening up to this new person and immediately doing the one thing you honestly kind of hate — asking for help. Ugh.
To my fellow high-achieving anxious friends, I want to let you know I get it. I’m the dang shrink in this scenario! I’m a professional helper. And you might be too — at home, at work, with family and friends, you are the one who gets things done. And sometimes you love being the one everyone else turns to for help. I know, it feels amazing! But especially since you’re here, I want to invite you to dig a little deeper into the ick of asking for help and the power of it too.
The Perfection Trap
Genuinely asking for help is pretty vulnerable, and for most of us, that doesn’t feel great. You might truly value maintaining a flawless image — the polished exterior, the impressive resume, the impeccable social media feed. Or, perhaps more likely, you find comfort in perfectionism as a coping mechanism for anxiety or a motivator for success. Either way, the pressure to maintain the facade can make acknowledging the need for help feel like admitting defeat.
The How-To When It Comes to Overcoming Perfectionism
This might sound a bit silly, but if you’re not used to asking for help it can feel a little… clunky. Like how do you actually do it? Here’s what I want you to keep in mind:
Know that the internal barriers are the most formidable.
I’m sorry to say, my friend, that you are probably the biggest hurdle you have to overcome in this arena. Annoying, I know — it’s nicer to think the obstacles aren’t our own! The nice thing is that if you’re the one saying “I’m the problem, it’s me” (truly could not resist), you’re also the one in the best position to make a change. Identify the deeply held beliefs, negative thoughts, and anxious feelings that arise when you picture asking for help.
You don’t need to dismiss them, but you need to keep your eye on them as you encourage your behavior to go in another direction toward what is actually helpful for you. This might look like “I see you, anxiety. You’re telling me that if I’m actually vulnerable with this nice new therapist she won’t like me, or she’ll think less of me. Thanks for letting me know your concerns, but I’m actually just going to go ahead and say what I need to say.”
Ditch the external pressures.
Figure out where you’re feeling perfectionistic pressure from your environment and decide whether this is an influence you actually need to keep around. You could even work to change the environment itself. When you — the ambitious queen that you are — start to normalize the conversation around mental health within your circles, I think you’ll be pleased with how many others resonate with your story.
Build the relationship.
When you’re asking for help in therapy, don’t forget that most of the time this is not a quick 3-session tune-up — this is the creation of a therapeutic relationship, and it’s the relationship that is the healing factor here. (Truly, there’s research on it!) Therapy is not a one-size-fits-all solution; finding the right therapist for you is a crucial part of the process. Once you feel like you’ve found the one who works for you, take the time to build the trust you need to feel comfortable. It’s so worth the work!
Set the pace.
It’s not a race. While you should absolutely feel like your therapist can handle whatever you bring up, start wherever you feel comfortable. That might mean talking about the bigger issues, but it might also mean adjusting to the relationship more slowly with work on current day-to-day concerns. Most therapists are client-led — we trust that you’ll talk about what you’re ready for, and we’ll go where you need to be at your pace.
Challenge yourself.
Once you feel secure with your therapist, I want you to keep in mind that they’re acting as a safety net for you in the session. Now’s the time to dig into things that are more vulnerable and to really challenge yourself to lean into imperfection. Your struggles are valid, and the therapy room is a safe space to explore and navigate them. Trust that your therapist has her eye on how to help you get deeper insights and also how to help you feel secure again at the end of the therapy for women session.
Embracing Imperfection
I want you to really let this sink in — behind closed doors, perfection is always a myth. We’ve come so far in the past few years to de-stigmatize therapy, and I hope we can continue to help people squash that fear of judgment. Asking for help is an act of strength and self-love. It's an investment in your well-being and a courageous step towards a more fulfilling life. And let’s be honest — allowing that fear to keep you quiet only serves to make your life smaller, and we’re really not here for that. Cheers to being brave!
Start Overcoming Perfectionism With The Help of Therapy for Women in New Orleans, LA!
Take the courageous step towards liberation from perfectionism by seeking therapy for women. Meet with a therapist who will provide you with a safe space for open discussions about your aspirations and challenges. Embrace imperfection with the help of Rebecca AE Smith, Ph. D., as a powerful journey toward self-discovery and self-love. Your path to a more fulfilling life starts with the decision to seek help – embark on this empowering journey by following these three simple steps:
Begin meeting with a skilled therapist for women, Rebecca AE Smith, Ph.D.
Start overcoming your perfectionism!
Other Services Offered With Rebecca AE Smith, Ph.D.
Are you a millennial struggling with anxiety, perfectionism, imposter syndrome, life transitions, and more? At Rebecca AE Smith, Ph.D., an online therapy practice in New Orleans, I can help you work through your struggles or challenges to begin coping with your symptoms in healthy ways in Therapy for Women. I also provide Therapy for Perfectionism for those struggling to overcome their symptoms. My services are offered online for those in the state of Louisiana and in Virginia. For more information, check out my About Me and Blog!