How Do You Recognize an Anxious Thought? Tips From an Anxiety Therapist
When it comes to anxiety (or any feeling, for that matter), I like to break it apart into at least two sections — what’s happening in your body? And what’s happening in your mind? So much of the time we conflate the two. We say things like “I just feel like I’m going to be late, and I haaaaate being late,” or “I feel like something bad is going to happen.” In reality, though, both of those statements are thoughts. The feeling is what’s happening in your body — racing heart, shallow breathing, tense muscles, fear, panic, dread, etc.
It may seem a bit pedantic to quibble about thoughts vs. feelings when they feel so incredibly tied together, but the distinction is actually super important for anyone trying to get rid of anxiety and work towards feeling better. We need to tackle thoughts (mind) and feelings (body) separately if we’re going to have any hope for success, and fighting each of these battles requires very different skills.
The truth is, while we rarely have much control over our feelings. They’re basically a bodily function — the feelings of anxiety just happen, and that’s a part of life. Our thoughts, on the other hand, can (with practice!) be entirely in our control!! And it’s vital that we do work to control them, because it is our thoughts that keep us suffering — they keep us stuck and obsessing over the circumstances that are making our anxiety worse.
That’s exactly what I work on in therapy with so many of the high-achieving women on my caseload. We identify and address anxious thoughts, then work to put them in their place. They might persist, but you can choose actions that put YOU — not your anxiety — in the drivers seat of your life. It’s a LOT of work, but damnnnnn when it actually clicks for someone and she feels in control of her anxiety? It’s MAGIC. I liiiivvvve for that moment in a session!
But first thing’s first — once you feel clear on separating thoughts vs. feelings, how can you tell if a thought is anxious? Which thoughts are helpful warnings and which are anxiety trying to ruin your day and keep you small?
It can be challenging to differentiate, but there are two phrases that pop up so frequently that they can serve as handy cheat sheets or red flags to identify the anxious thoughts that are not helping you.
“What if…”
This one is a gimme, right? You can just feel the anxiety bubbling out of it. What if I get stuck in traffic? What if my baby gets sick? What if I can’t make the soup the same way my aunt made it? What if my team hates my idea and won’t follow my leadership? What if I run out of eyeliner before I can go to Sephora? What if we’re not ok???
If the phrase “what if” pops into your head and it’s followed by a negative circumstance (or, more likely, knowing that b*tch anxiety, a catastrophic one)… that’s an anxiety thought. Might these thoughts be true? SURE! But actually, I don’t care. When it comes to thoughts, what’s valuable isn’t what’s true — what’s valuable is what is working for you. As soon as you hear “what if” happening in your brain, BE ON ALERT! Unless it’s followed by a helpful little tip to improve your life, it’s anxiety, and it needs to be shown the door ASAP.
“And that means…”
“What if” is the obvious one, but “and that means” is the hidden land mine that will blow up your day if you step on it. This one comes in the middle of the sentence and shifts the tone to be super negative. “I’m going to be late to work, and that means I’m bad at my job and that means I’m going to get fired and that means I’m not going to be able to pay my bills and that means…” OOF.
“And that means” is the fuel behind your spiral, and just like a “what if,” if it’s not followed by a glowing compliment, it’s simply gotta go. (“… and that means I’m a goddamn rockstar” is one I’ll let you keep.)
For this one, I want you to remember that you’re not a very good psychic. You don’t know “what that means” if it has anything to do with the future or with other people’s opinions of you. And if it’s about your own negative opinion, I need you to take a long look at it and realize that (1) the world is simply more complicated than the thought is allowing for, and (2) again, this thought is simply serving to hurt you, and therefore it is not workable and isn’t one you need to keep.
Recognize Your Anxious Thoughts with the Help of Therapy for Anxiety in New Orleans, LA
This is one of those therapy things that’s simple but not easy. Your anxious thoughts have probably been around for most of your life, and after a while it feels like that’s just your own voice saying those awful things. IT’S NOT. But most of the time, we need a bit of help to shift decades of anxious thinking.
If it feels like anxiety is driving all of your actions, out to Rebecca AE Smith, Ph.D. and get back in the drivers seat of your mind. Follow these three simple steps to get started:
Begin meeting with skilled anxiety therapist, Rebecca AE Smith, Ph.D.
Start piecing apart stress and anxiety to get to a healthier, happier you!
Other Services Offered With Rebecca AE Smith, Ph.D.
Are you a high-achieving woman struggling with anxiety, perfectionism, life transitions, and more? Therapy with Rebecca AE Smith, Ph.D. can help you work through your struggles or challenges to begin managing and coping with your symptoms in healthy ways. So in addition to navigating whether you’re experiencing stress or anxiety in Therapy for Anxiety, I offer Therapy for Women for those who struggle with burnout, stress, work-life balance, navigating relationships, and more. I also provide Therapy for Perfectionism for those struggling to overcome their symptoms and stress of feeling perfect all the time. In my practice, I provide online services for those in Louisiana and Virginia. For more about me check out my About Me page, Blog, and YouTube channel.