Perfectionistic Anxiety Keeps You Stuck: Perfect Inaction vs. Imperfect Action
So many people who aren’t struggling with perfectionism have skewed ideas about it. I feel like there are times when perfectionism gets that kind of backhanded compliment treatment — like “oh, you think it’s really hard to be a perfectionist? Isn’t everything you do freaking flawless? I WISH I had that problem!” Perfectionism can seem like a personality trait that keeps people’s standards high, helps you make your life beautiful or productive or literally faultless, or bars anything subpar from entering your space.
If you’re really dealing with perfectionism, though, you know that couldn’t be further from reality. In practice, perfectionism is much more likely to hinder you in living the life you want than give you a boost in building out your future. Decision making, confidence, and self-trust are all harder with perfectionism. Hell, I know many perfectionists who struggle to simply let themselves rest enough. Perfectionism is no joke, and it’s a coping mechanism I love helping high-achieving women break free from.
As with most things people bring to therapy, there’s not one silver bullet that can dismantle a system as complicated as perfectionistic anxiety (I mean Lexapro is pretty damn great, don’t get me wrong, but just because you chill out doesn’t mean that perfectionistic voice will quiet down.) Instead, I encourage my patients to get really good at observing their perfectionism and anxiety, breaking it down into smaller parts, and addressing those bits in turn.
So let’s take one of those sections for a deep dive today — the trap of perfect inaction and the difficulty of imperfect action.
Perfect Inaction Keeps You Stuck
Mmmmmm perfect inaction. A perfectionist’s safe haven. Whenever you feel stuck and unable to do something — make a decision, begin a project, commit to a change — it can feel much safer to float in inaction for a bit rather than engaging in an action that might possibly end up being imperfect.
Perfect inaction is the Schrodinger’s cat of behavior. This potential behavior is both perfect and imperfect because it isn’t yet in the real world. Because the world is messy, this is literally the only time your action can actually be perfect — when it’s just a big ball of potential. Sitting here without any action is therefore the only way to maintain perfectionism.
Sadly, though, this keeps you stuck. You can’t make the perfect decision, so you make no decision… and remain exactly where you are. No mistakes! But no progress either. Your life gets smaller every time this is the route you take.
Opt for Imperfect Action Instead
In contrast, imperfect action is my jammmm. This is where you realize your action will always be imperfect and you lean into it anyway. Call it an action bias, call it “jump and the net will appear,” call it “I can edit later, let’s just START”… You’ve got to work hard to shove perfectionism out of the way in service of reaching your goals. But when the voice of anxiety is shouting at you that you simply CANNOT act until you know it will be perfect, this is such a huge challenge.
In my video (linked above!), I talk about the fact that imperfect action is so great at allowing for practice (THAT’s how you get better, peeps), killing dread / fear, and moving the needle forward. Give it a watch, I think you’ll enjoy it. It even includes some unintentional imperfect action — I totally mix up the two definitions around minute three, but you know what? Life’s too short to bother with edits! Let your imperfection flag fly, friends.
Banish Perfect Inaction in Your Life
The truth is, inaction is practically the only place perfectionism can survive. It can be harsh to hear, but your actions will never be perfect. Your actions are also the only thing getting you closer to a life defined by your values — a life you want to live to the fullest. So if any of this resonates with you today, I invite you to take a moment to think about these questions:
Where am I letting my fear of imperfection let me sit in inaction?
Where am I stuck… and how is that keeping me feeling safe?
Is inaction actually safer here, or does it just keep me comfy? Where would action be safer?
Where am I allowing fear of discomfort to hold me back?
Recognize Your Anxious Thoughts with the Help of Therapy for Anxiety in New Orleans, LA
This is one of those therapy things that’s simple but not easy. Your anxious thoughts have probably been around for most of your life, and after a while it feels like that’s just your own voice saying those awful things. IT’S NOT. But most of the time, we need a bit of help to shift decades of anxious thinking.
If perfectionism is keeping you stuck, reach out to Rebecca AE Smith, Ph.D. and stir up some action bias.
Other Services Offered With Rebecca AE Smith, Ph.D.
Are you a high-achieving woman struggling with anxiety, perfectionism, life transitions, and more? Therapy with Rebecca AE Smith, Ph.D. can help you work through your struggles or challenges to begin managing and coping with your symptoms in healthy ways. So in addition to navigating whether you’re experiencing stress or anxiety in Therapy for Anxiety, I offer Therapy for Women for those who struggle with burnout, stress, work-life balance, navigating relationships, and more. I also provide Therapy for Perfectionism for those struggling to overcome their symptoms and stress of feeling perfect all the time. In my practice, I provide online services for those in Louisiana and Virginia. For more about me check out my About Me page, Blog, and YouTube channel.