Is Your Perfectionism a Gold Star or a Perfect Streak? (Part I)
(Is that the most imperfect thumbnail or what, folks? I’m walking the walk, babes. You’re welcome.)
We all know what perfectionism looks like… right?
Wrong.
At least, I was wrong. And I’m not talking about, “oh yeah, before I became a therapist I didn’t realize I had perfectionism and now that I have a PhD in feelings I know everything about it!”
I’m talking about not catching my perfectionism in my own life as recently as last month.
If it can happen to me, it can happen to anyone. This is my specialty! I went to school for decades and have painstakingly built my practice to specifically work with high achieving women who are dealing with perfectionism and anxiety!! How can I let a perfectionistic moment slip by without me even clocking it??
The answer — that b*tch likes to shape shift, y’all. (Pardon my language, but OMG perfectionism makes me so salty.) Just when you think you know what your perfectionism looks like, it switches up its game plan and attacks you in a different way.
This is because perfectionism isn’t one symptom or one behavior. It’s an ever-changing process that seeks to become the basis of how you interact with your whole world. I’m not trying to be hyperbolic here — this is really how it works.
Your Perfectionism is a Gold Star
This is the one I’m always looking out for. Gold Star Perfectionism encourages you to execute every task to the highest degree. That report for your boss will be stellar! The dinner you cook will be the best! Your eyeliner will be perpetually stunning and symmetrical!
Aiming for the Gold Star is fine, but beating yourself up when you don’t always hit it is not. Watch out for how critical your self-talk gets when you’re not as shiny as you want to be, or how all-or-nothing your view of the outcome is. Do you feel like anything less than the Gold Star is just an abject failure? That’s when striving becomes a problem.
Your Perfectionism is a Perfect Steak
This was the one that got me. If I can allow myself grace in the gold star category, I’m probably fine, right? Nope! You may give up the gold but strive for perfectionism in other ways, and one of the easier ones to identify is the ~perfect streak~.
That also means you may be more prone to this one if the task you’re working on is more difficult to measure in gold-star terms. Grades? Easily gold starred — you want an A+ and that’s that. Exercise? Mmmmm harder. What makes a run qualitatively perfect? Not sure, but I do know I can run every single day, and if I do, my streak remains perfect and I can still scratch that perfectionism itch.
If you’re worried that your healthy new habit is veering into perfectionism in this way, here’s the experiment — consider breaking your streak. Maybe even just think about breaking your streak. Does your brain react with indifference? Fear? Self-criticism? Do you spiral into catastrophization? Are you scrambling to find ways to allow yourself to keep the streak alive, or do you shrug and say, “that’s fine, we’ll pick it up again when we want to” with genuine feelings of security?
If breaking your streak makes you sweat, that could be a sign that perfectionism is the unhealthy side effect of your new healthy habit.
Your Perfectionism is… even more complicated!
Despite the above video, these two aren’t actually the only forms of perfectionism out there. Perfectionism is complicated and sneaky — it slips in everywhere. Stick around for next week’s post for even more ways perfectionism might be creeping into your life, and in the meantime, give yourself some grace. Even when you’re not perfect, you’re pretty amazing.
Tackle Perfectionism with the Help of Therapy for Anxiety in New Orleans, LA
If you’re feeling like you’re tallying those perfect streaks or never settling until you get a gold star, book a session with a therapist who specializes in helping high-achievers break up with perfectionism. Being high functioning doesn’t mean you don’t deserve help.
If anxious perfectionism is becoming overwhelming, reach out to Rebecca AE Smith, Ph.D. and get some relief without sacrificing your success.
Services Offered With Rebecca AE Smith, Ph.D.
Are you a high-achieving woman struggling with anxiety, perfectionism, life transitions, and more? Therapy with Rebecca AE Smith, Ph.D. can help you work through your struggles or challenges to begin managing and coping with your symptoms in healthy ways. So in addition to navigating whether you’re experiencing stress or anxiety in Therapy for Anxiety, I offer Therapy for Women for those who struggle with burnout, stress, work-life balance, navigating relationships, and more. I also provide Therapy for Perfectionism for those struggling to overcome their symptoms and stress of feeling perfect all the time. In my practice, I provide online services for those in Louisiana and Virginia. For more about me check out my About Me page, Blog, and YouTube channel.