The Perfect Trap: How Perfectionism Impairs Decision Making and How Therapy for Perfectionism Can Help
For high-achieving women, the pursuit of perfection often becomes a double-edged sword. Can we be the best? Probably! Is perfectionism the way to do it? Ummmm… Probably not. But not just because it feels bad (so did writing that dissertation, but it was 100% worth it for the degree, am I right?). Perfectionism is also simply not the way to achieve great things. It’s clunky, it’s inflexible, and it leaves little room for creativity. Decision-making is a particularly painful casualty of perfectionism. Not only are decisions nearly impossible to make in perfectionistic conditions, but quick, flexible decision-making is vital to success. When we waste time at these early decision stages, we lose the energy and brainpower to implement the decisions themselves!
So where exactly is perfectionism hurting us here? And how do we embrace “done is better than perfect?”
The Perfectionistic Paralysis — Understanding the Problem with Perfectionism and Decision-Making
Perfectionism often drastically slows or even halts decision-making. Leaving us trapped in a cycle of over-analysis and indecision. The fear of making mistakes and falling short of our own impossibly high standards can lead to procrastination and avoidance. Whether it's choosing a career path, navigating relationships, or pursuing personal goals, perfectionism whispers that anything less than absolute excellence is unacceptable. As a result, we find ourselves stuck, unable to move forward for fear of making “the wrong choice.”
There are two main traps when it comes to perfectionism and decision-making. The first gets you right at the very start of the process. That’s the “I don’t want to have to do this again, so my decision has to be perfect the first time” issue, or the voice that says “I need the conditions to be juuuuust right in order for me to make this decision.” Feeling like you can’t even begin to consider making a decision can be a major sign of perfectionism, and it’s one that prevents perfectionists from living a life truly based on their values. Rather than making a decision that feels flawed but gets them closer to their goals, perfectionists may remain stuck in situations that aren’t in line with their values.
Another issue is how heavily a perfectionistic decision-maker is relying on data she does not (cannot) have — the outcome of the decision! We are constantly wishing we had data about the future when we’re making present-day decisions. In most cases, the “right” decision feels like the one that will work out best, right? But… how do we know how it works out if we haven’t lived those hours/days/weeks/years and seen the outcome for ourselves? In these cases, perfectionists are also stuck in a loop of perfect inaction. Since perfectionism makes imperfect action nearly impossible to choose.
The Vicious Cycle — Anxiety, Perfectionism, and Imposter Syndrome
Perfectionism doesn't exist in isolation. Anxiety bookends perfectionism. It’s usually a root cause of perfectionism, and perfectionism also causes symptoms of anxiety. Imposter syndrome is another cruel ally of perfectionism. These two play off each other in a game of one-upmanship, with imposter syndrome saying, “I feel like a fraud. I really need to be perfect if I don’t want to fail,” and perfectionism replying, “I have to be flawless, but somehow I never achieve perfection, so I must be a fraud.”
Since this triad is so tightly linked, it’s understandable that the decision-making issues that often accompany perfectionism become compounded by these other problems as well. The constant worry about making the "wrong decision” and the fear of judgment from others can intensify feelings of anxiety. We then begin to doubt our abilities and question whether we deserve our achievements, falling prey to imposter syndrome. Despite our accomplishments, we feel like frauds. Unable to internalize our successes due to the relentless pursuit of perfection. Better, again, to avoid any movement, to make no imperfect decisions (and yes, all decisions are inherently imperfect), to listen to the perfectionistic voice and remain perpetually stuck.
Overcoming Perfectionism — Strategies for Better Decision-Making
Are you working through perfectionism in decision-making? If so I’d like to offer you a different lens on this “right decision” issue. Instead of needing to trust that the decision is the right one, I want you to think about focusing all of your energy and attention on trusting that you are the decider.
It’s a little bit like seeing a gorgeous birthday cake and deciding whether to try a bite. You’re probably wondering whether it tastes as good as it looks. That’s not a ridiculous question — I mean have you watched Bake Off? Half the time the pretty bakes fall flat in the taste department while the “rustic” looking attempt is absolutely delicious. But in the case of this cake, you have no data about how it might taste, so you can’t use that to inform your decision about whether to take that first bite. BUT! If you know the baker, and you trust their skills, you actually do have more present data to help you make your decision.
You, my dears, are the bakers for all of your delectable cakey decisions! You cannot know if this particular decision will pan out — we don’t know the future, so just let that one gooooo. You do, however, know that you are thoughtful, bright, and creative. You do know that you’ve gotten yourself this far. I hope that you have enough self-compassion to allow forgiveness if you tried your best and the odds were not in your favor.
How Therapy For Perfectionism Can Help
Breaking up with perfectionism requires a shift in mindset and the adoption of healthy coping strategies, including self-trust and self-compassion. Recognizing perfectionistic tendencies is the first step towards change, and leaning into your confidence and your values will help tremendously. If these things feel shaky, therapy with Rebecca AE Smith, Ph. D. can be a great resource to reinforce these skills and help you live a life determined by your values more than your perfectionism. Like I said before, done is better than perfect, friends. Make those imperfect decisions and get back to actually living your fabulous life.
Begin Making Decisions With Confidence With The Help Of Therapy For Perfectionism in New Orleans, LA, and Virginia!
With therapy for perfectionism, you'll embark on a journey of self-discovery, learning to embrace imperfection as a natural part of life. Through guided introspection, you'll develop strategies to recognize when your pursuit of perfection hinders rather than helps, fostering a healthier approach to decision-making rooted in acceptance and adaptability. Together with your therapist Rebecca AE Smith, Ph.D., you'll cultivate a mindset focused on progress, not perfection, empowering you to navigate life's challenges with confidence and clarity. Follow these three simple steps to get started:
Contact Rebcca AE Smith, PhD. to schedule an appointment to see if Therapy for Perfectionism is right for you
Begin meeting with a skilled perfectionism therapist, Rebecca AE Smith, Ph.D.
Start overcoming your perfectionism and start making decisions in confidence!
Other Services Offered With Rebecca AE Smith, Ph.D.
Are you a millennial struggling with anxiety, perfectionism, life transitions, and more? In addition to helping you overcome perfectionism and make decisions with confidence with Rebecca AE Smith, Ph.D., I can help you work through your struggles or challenges to begin managing and coping with your symptoms in healthy ways with Therapy for Women. I provide online services for those in the state of Louisiana and Virginia. For more about me check out my About Me page and Blog!